The Reason Rally

March 24–The Reason Rally in Washington DC is being promoted as a kind of Woodstock for atheists and skeptics.  I hope to meet deconverted people there en masse!  I feel nervous about going because so many people there are going to be bashing religion and making “friends” based on a sense of victimhood and shared prejudice towards Christians.

That said, others will be there looking for a good time.  I will be there with a big bag of books to distribute!  Shameless publicity hounding?  You decide!

I hope to meet as many people as I can and make some friends.  One day perhaps I will be more involved with the Rally.

 

I have begun working on a 2nd book called FUNDIE: how fundamentalism splinters lives, families and communities.  i may tweak the title but this book will be a superior read to Preacher Boy and more topical.

Timothy

 

 

The First and Last Rung on the Ladder

Have you heard the phrase “emergent church?”  If you haven’t, you are probably living a very satisfying atheist life or perhaps just living under a rock.

Over the last eight years or so, a significant contingent of young Christian evangelicals have become absolutely disgusted by the faith.  Somewhere along the line their close ties with the “world” came to mean something.  Going to bitter baptist churches and hearing about the secular world in harsh terms got old.

Liberal Christians live with a little discomfort with the Bible, and of course inherited some anti-gay, anti-sex attitudes in their youth.  In 2012, a lot of thirty year old men and women do NOT want to go to a stuffy church and hear the tired cliches of the pulpit.

The throngs of disenfranchised church goers want to go to a Starbucksy, hipster friendly place where black guys look like they do on commercials for expensive electronics: skinny jeans, vests, Buddy Holly glasses and bowties.  They want white preachers who preach barefoot in pretorn jeans and have highlights.  Maybe they wear “guyliner” to accentuate eye contact.

The praise music should sound like Coldplay-Black Keys-Matthews Band.  Design tends to be minimalistic and weird, like a mish mash of celtic shit with scribbly post modern shit too.

These churches have coffee *though not free* and a fresh feeling of “authenticity.”  The name of the church should sound like a new club, like the Place, the Rock, the Atrium, the Aperture, the Narthex…

The preacher normally says something like, “we are just doing life together.  Christianity is a relationship.  This church isn’t the building y’all.”

NOW THERE ARE TWO THINGS TO REMEMBER:

Over the last ten years there have been thousands of “relevant” style churches like described above.  The EMERGENT church is DIFFERENT.  At relevant churches, you might see some bra straps showing and tight pants here and there but the casual crowd still carries around the same fucking Bible under the arm.  The same verses.  The same dogma.  They just don’t talk about it.  They won’t argue against it or be embarrassed of it outwardly, they just focus on pop psychology-friendly Dr. Phil fodder from the pulpit.

The EMERGENT CHURCH is indeed different in that regard.  These people are willing to put the Bible back on the shelf and openly question whether much of it is true, or for today, or what have you.  They take “moratoriums” on casual sex, homosexuality, abortion, and other things which are traditionally frowned upon by the faithful.

The popular voice of this movement is a close tie between Brian McLaren and Rob Bell, if not Donald Miller.  Rob Bell is public enemy number one among the ultraconservative Baptist crowd.  Bell’s doctrine is reliable as a mesh condom.

Bell wrote a new book recently called, “Love Wins” which sneakily posits the idea that hell is simply a metaphor or perhaps hell is what we make for ourselves in this life.  Heaven is a state of mind.  Bell writes like a man fed up with Christianity but without the balls to turn to the dark side of atheism.

The Emergent Church is praised in the West Coast because it is the “first rung” of the ladder for people who are seeking truth on their spiritual quest.  It is praised because it is the last rung people clutch onto when they fall off the ladder!   Bitter, disaffected Christians who haven’t read their Bible in five months mingle with unsaved people.  Balding guys with glasses and an iPad fresh out of Panera Bread mingle with girls who were on Girls Gone Wild the weekend before.  Jesus is the Buddy Christ, and Truth is relative.

Anyone who has encountered some fall out from denying Christ publicly must feel a bit cheated when others join the damn Emergent Church.  It is a pussified way to leave the church.  Everyone knows that the Emergent Church is to Real Church what Coke Zero is to an XXXL-Triple Thick Chocolate Shake with whipped cream and a sidecar of Jack Daniels.  The content is bereft of real meaning and void of truth claims.  The Playboy Channel’s “Nude Yoga Spotlight with Bree” segment has more spirituality.  And maybe that is the problem with America.

This country’s left leaning young people are obsessed with the ambient, phony, weak-tea spiritual fuzziness but abhor taking a stand for doctrine.  They carry the Bible to church on Sunday morning but go grab a beer and rent an R rated comedy like the Hangover 2 for Sunday evening’s entertainment.  When the real Christians who allow the Bible to influence their lives (a little bit) see this, they call “hypocrite!”  It is a douche move, but a valid observation.  The Bible does not describe a Christianity that coexists very well with blatant secularism.    Christians should look like “aliens and foreigners” according to Peter.  Strangers in the land.  Paul called Christians a “peculiar people.”  Jesus said, “they will hate you.”  I am sick of people who bask in the light of secular reason go off to church on Sunday morning and tell the world that there is something of worth going on at these Emergent churches.  To all Emergent people out there…GET A LIFE.  GET LAID.  Fucking grow up ?  You are all a bunch of milquetoast single people who hate Jerry Falwell and James Dobson and you realize you cannot get a date to get into your car with all your Christian shit bumper stickers on it.  You just want to be happy.  It’s called LEAVE THE FAITH.  Make it decisive.  Make it count.  Stop falling off the ladder or wasting your life trying to climb it.  Whether the Emergent thing is the beginning of your “search” or the last thing you could cling on to before hitting rock bottom, let me tell you…the bottom is where it’s at!  Just let yourself go.  The ladder is a lie.

Rebooting a Relationship

My computer was definitely a pain in the behind for the last 2 months.  For some reason, it would only run properly in “safe mode.”  This made the internet slow and also disabled my sound options entirely.  No music for anyone!  Not even with headphones.  Silence. 

I tried every trick in the book and nothing worked.  Eventually I figured it out and got it to start correctly.  During that time it was upsetting to see the familiar black screen with three options.  It asked, “what would you like to do?”  

1. Restore your last session

2. Start Windows Normally

3. Start in Safe Mode

 

It made me think of relationships, oddly enough.  Sometimes when you burn a bridge here or there, you get a chance to rebuild a connection later in life.  That screen pops up in my head, in a way.  The choices are clear.  This applies to new connections too, not just mending fences. 

1.  Will I restore the last level of intimacy like nothing happened?  Do I just go for it?  

2.  Do I just be myself and meet a new person with no fear or apprehension?  Do I let my self esteem sabotage my efforts? 

3. Do I go about it in safe mode?  Safe mode is when I steel myself in a cold, dispassionate frame of mind.  I am so determined not  to be hurt by someone I just turn all of my pain receptors to an off position.  I should know better by now, but I still do this from time to time.  The drawback of living on safe mode is never feeling anything positive, either.  In 2012 I hope that when I am faced with some new beginnings, new relationships and opportunities I will choose the second option. I want to put my best foot forward and meet the new experience with a smile.  Try to do the same!  Don’t waste time on safe mode.  You won’t hear ANYTHING, for one.  You will attain the same level of emotional distance and security as a rock or a tree…and that is going to make for a very static lifestyle.  Living in the static will turn you into a spectator in your own head.  Join me in saying NO to safe mode this year and all the years beyond!  Leave yourself open to some threats, and maybe even some viruses!  (insert, “giggity giggity goo!)  

The point is, have fun and don’t be tempted by the most misleading and unsatisfying feeling in the word…”safety.”  

 

ts

North Carolina, I Hardly Knew Ye

I lived in North Carolina for the last sixteen months.  It was supposed to be the dawn of my writing career and professional endeavors.  I would have ideally found a reliable job in social work to pay the bills and would have spent free time pursuing Twitter popularity and new book ideas.  Looking back at 2011, I feel like it was a complicated year.  It was full of false starts and undelivered hopes.  I worked at AT&T for a year at their call center.  It was there I wrote Preacher Boy on my lunch breaks.

I didn’t make many friends there nor did I have much of a social life.  I watched my son until 2pm and then went to work from 3-12.  When I got home I was exhausted.  My wife got fired from the school where she taught math.  Things sucked all around.  She didn’t make any friends in the area.  There was Karly, a girl at work who was basically my life preserver through the hard times and there were plenty!  Later I met Jim and Allison and Tommy but sadly right before I moved!!! Just when I started to think Tommy, a married guy my age, and I would be pretty tight I had to tell him I was moving so that was disappointing.  My brother was pretty busy and didn’t have a lot of time for me but the times we shared were fun.

Things changed over the late summer and fall.  I used www.meetup.com to help find other atheists and I found there were a few likeminded people in my area afterall.  Tommy, Allison, and a few others were great.  I remember a kind lady named Mary who was in her own brief time with me, a powerful encouragement to me.  I hope they are all doing well today.

Now I am in Marland.  I have learned a great deal since my time in NC.  Firstly, don’t wait for things to happen.  Make them happen.  Go online, meet people intentionally and soon!  Meet up with them.  Be honest, explain who you are and what you are looking for.  I am married, have a young son etc.

I hope there is an atheist guy out there who is doing his best to raise his child and maybe he and I will hit it off.  The coolest thing about 2012 is that it may see me and my creative soulmate Joe, get back together as good friends.  He moved to Chicago last year but I may be able to woo him back to Maryland.  Hopefully this will happen soon.

He and I started a concept for a band called “The Seamen.”  We would be more than a band, as we would maintain a website of the same name for the purpose of publishing poetry, essays, reviews, videos and the occasional song.  At the end of a year we would probably make a little EP of original songs and ditties.  Joe is a revelation on guitar.  I can sing adequately enough to keep it entertaining.  The Seamen are coming!  I only need a few things to bounce my way to help this happen.  Leave a comment and voice your support!

Tim Short

Implications

I just had an awesome conversation with my friend Tommy this evening.  We were talking about a little bit of everything, but something really stood out I will remember for a while.  The short version is as follows:

If an adult were confronted with a choice to believe in Santa Clause, the rational part of that person would of course go through the obvious questions concerning Santa’s logistical dilemmas.  That is to say, there are IMPLICATIONS of Santa actually visiting every house of every good child in one night.  Does he slow down time?  Does he fatigue?  There are hundreds of poignant observations begging for one’s considerations.

Oddly, the same response is lacking when Christians posit that the world before the Fall of Man was perfect and there was no death.  Tommy and I were curious as to the state of such a world.  Some of our better questions include these. . .

1. If Adam fell from a great height or were submerged in water for a long time…how is it that he did not or would not die? 

2. Did God intend the phenomenon of death in the first place?  What does this mean for free will?  IF NOTHING COULD DIE then it follows rationally that the world would become overrun by animals.  I mentioned, “Jesus walking on water would have hardly been a miracle because the sea would be filled with indestructable sea life.  The ocean would be a can of sardines, literally!

Some Christians would argue, “perhaps animals did not reproduce until after the fall.”  This is illogical when considering that Adam could not find a satisfactory mate in the animal kingdom.  Perhaps they had no genitalia?  Sounds like a weak defense. 

The Genesis account conveniently provides the phenomenon of day and night BEFORE the creation of the Sun and Moon.  Christians again, ignore the implications of this and wave the “God did it somehow” wand. 

The silliest and most blasphemous observations often lead to serious philosophical problems, as usual, when Tommy and I get together.  When handling truth claims of the Bible it is very necessary to remember, there ARE implications of these claims and we are tasked by our conscience to consider what these considerations are.  No harm in asking the big questions.

Please Pray for Me?

I really do love my Christian friends.  I would help them in any way possible.  One friend of mine posted on facebook recently that he needed prayer for a family member having a routine outpatient procedure.

This got me thinking back to the days of my coming out atheist. I don’t harp on this a lot in my book “preacher boy” but I felt like discussing it here for those who read me (thanks to you both! ha ha)

I have been a part of over ten thousand prayer meetings in my life.  Until I was twenty one, I prayed every day dozens of times.  I met with others to pray at church and before guitar practice or play rehearsals etc.

The idea sickens me now.  My position is this…either go to a doctor and trust science or pray.  Don’t do both.  Especially for a basic procedure.

At work at Liberty in the admissions office, there was a man with one leg.  We gathered to pray before the shift began and people sitting around him would ask for God to heal their colds, headaches, upset stomachs and etc.  Nobody ever prayed aloud for him to regrow his limb.  We just had an unspoken understanding that it was God’s will for him to have one leg. 

But what about the colds then?  “If it be your will, please allow my cold to go away?”  It will be gone in a day anyway unless it’s pneumonia.  Coworkers prayed for “travelling mercies” to drive in their new SUVs down the street thirty minutes in clear weather.  The SUV has 12 air bags PLUS seatbelts. 

Prayer just confuses me.  Why not ask for something God-sized?  Why not, since you have God on the line–ask for something amazing? 

Next time you are talking to an annoying Christian, try these simple responses to their time honored cliches.

1. “God is outside of time” –oh, I guess we should try praying for things in the past then since God is outside of time.  Dear God, please go back and prevent the Holocaust…

2. ”God is all powerful” Can God cure AIDS?  If He can, he should do it to show us how his power is beyond the purvew of modern science.  We would all be bewildered and have no choice but to praise Him for spontaneously curing everyone at once all around the world who has AIDS.  This would bring glory to God, and not man.  I will start holding my breath right now!

3.”God is all loving”  Can we pray that people in hell can be released?  They learned their lesson! Surely a loving God wouldn’t have it in his makeup, if you will, to cause or allow senseless torture.  If people in hell cannot reform or repent and can only suffer, there is then, no POINT except torture.  For all time?  This cannot be in the master plan of someone whose essence is essentially LOVE. 

4.  “Prayer works!”  how so?  Does it work empirically?  Probably not.  Does God do anything of value for those who ask for it?  If those things he does are explainable by natural causes…why answer it at all?  It would go against the Biblical precedents of the supernatural. 

CHALLENGE TO ALL WHO BELIEVE IN PRAYER

Approach someone in a wheelchair.  Tell the person to get out of the chair and walk in the name of Jesus Christ and in the Power of His Resurrection!  Amen!

Approach a dead person at his funeral and command him to rise and walk in the newness of life, dead to sin but alive to Christ!

Approach an amputee and command the missing limb(s) to grow back.

In any of these three scenarios, my guess is that a sane Christian would back out of the challenge.  Is growing a limb too hard for God?  Is it God’s will that everyone with a missing limb be without it forever?  Perhaps God feels that way about everyone with pancreatic cancer.  Or Alzheimer’s!  WHY THE HELL SHOULD WE PRAY ABOUT THE MINOR ILLNESSES THEN?  God’s power is limitless!  WHY PRAY ONLY ABOUT PRESENT AND FUTURE SITUATIONS? God is outside of time and His power is tremendous!

Deep down in all Christians there is the faint beeping of their internal bullshit detector…this little device keeps them from participating in the challenges.  Far better to just pray quietly with “every head bowed, every eye closed” for things that will probably work themselves out one way or the other without the faintest hint of transcendence. 

Lastly, on a lighter note…

“Pray for me that I will pass the test”  Study!

“Pray that I will get there safely.”  Drive safely!

“Pray that the money comes in on time”  Get a lawyer/call the bank

Dear person requesting prayer.  I know you are anxious about your test tomorrow.  I don’t think you need the creator of the Universe to intervene and cause a legitimately supernatural effect on your behalf.  Why do you think so little of yourself that you need God’s help to do something so simple?  I hope your cousin recovers from the surgery, but do we need something beyond medical expertise in this situation?  Is everything in your life pending an outcome incumbent upon “cheating” the laws of physics or time and space?  Just work hard, wish for the best, and make wise choices.  I will be there for you when you win or fail, because I am a good friend who wants you to be happy too.  Don’t stress and please don’t be reliant upon an invisible dead carpenter to “stack the deck” in your favor in the game of life.  Just play! 

Preacher Boy Available on Kindle!

My book is finally available. . . I hope you will check it out.  It is an amateur book for sure, but a fun one I should think.   Check out http://www.amazon.com/Preacher-Boy-University-Graduate-ebook/dp/B0065LI3FW/ref=sr_1_9?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1321049943&sr=1-9    

Christian Mother

I just visited my mother and younger siblings in rural Virginia last week.  It was a busy stay…mostly helping my mother move out of her old house and into a smaller one forty minutes away.  My father died seven months ago, a Baptist pastor. 

It is tedious sometimes to visit her there because most of what she talks about revolves around church.  My siblings’ interests revolve around church.  Prayers are said before meals, which doesn’t bother me at all.

The problem is, I think, that I have no margin of error.  If I mention my secular values or liberal values, my mother feels like I am deliberately trying to throw a grenade of controversy into the fragile arrangements she has made since my father’s passing. 

I love my mom and my family but I know my mom would choose Jesus over me.  How sad!  When I mouthed off a bit, she exclaimed, “you are not welcome here anymore!”  After helping her move.  After being a good son for twenty six years.

When her husband died, it was I who grasped her close to my chest and let her weep and sob.  I held her close when she needed to go to pieces.  I then hugged my sister and she did the same.  I walked with my little brother who was very upset.  My elder brother drove home to be with his wife and make travel arrangements for the funeral.  I went to the funeral home with my mom and was there by her side.

She has taken back what she said, but I think she meant it at the time.  Jesus had a sick obsession with being loved, if his words are recorded truthfully.  I think of three instances.

1.  A man whose father died said, ” I want to follow you Jesus but my father just died.”  Jesus’ response was “let the dead bury their dead.”

2.  He said, “to follow me you must hate your mother and father.”  Growing up Baptist, I was always told that what Jesus meant was “compared to how much you love me.”

3.  When Judas recommended doing something charitable with the money that could be raised by selling an alabaster box filled with perfume, Jesus said it was better to let a woman pour the perfume on himself.  His reasoning was “the poor you will always have, but me only for a while.” 

Jesus definitely inherited his Father’s insecure streak.  Worship me, flatter me, give me things…and don’t stop.  If you don’t feel like it…work on your feelings. 

I am going back home for another two or three days and know that this time I must keep my mouth shut, and check myself at the door as it were, so as to not stir up controversy.  Does anyone else out there share my frustration? 

 

 

Does Atheism Provide Anything?

Piers Morgan asked funnyman Penn Jilette about his faith a couple of weeks ago while Jilette was promoting his new book, “God, No!”  and the interview can be watched on Youtube.  It was quite interesting, and neither party pulled any punches or copped out of direct questions. 

Piers’ objection to atheism could be summed up to “You tell billions of people they are wrong about the answers to the big questions of our existence but offer none of your own…atheism is all about bursting the other guy’s bubble while defending a non-falsifiable position. ”

That is a summation of what I got out of Piers, anyway.  Jilette posited that his love for his family and arts and science fill a void in his life where others would insert religion.  Piers brushed that sentiment away stating that religious people also care about science and arts and definitely love their families too. 

To an atheist like myself, I simply saw that people are really all the same and religion does not add anything to someone’s life.  If I were outside a church polling all members indiscriminate to their age or spiritual maturity, I would ask them to list 3 things they thank God for.  Those people would probably list 1. family 2. friends 3. salvation–not going to hell when they die. 

To an atheist, we also love our family and friends.  We are glad we are not going to hell when we die because we do not believe in hell.  Atheists and Christians have a great deal in common with each other because of an intense interest in Truth.  Christians care about their doctrine and want to be right about the big issues.  So do atheists.  What bothers me though, is from a perusal of youtube comment arguments and other atheist blogs I see one side being very loving and gracious and the other side behaving like total dicks.  Sadly, it is the side of the atheist.  What’s worse is that it plays into the hands of the Christians and even public perception that atheists are smug assholes and Christians are just making the world a better place. 

We need to do a better job as atheists showing that we are kind and compassionate humanists.  Atheism does lend itself to humanism but the broad tent of atheism includes a great deal of smug assholes.  I hope that atheists will take up the mission of loving their religious neighbors and showing the Christians that love is not exclusive to their creed.  Calling Christians crazy and stupid and deranged is not only disrespectful but in many ways simply false.  There are poor Christian arguments and poor atheist arguments.  We have our Hitchens and our Dawkins, they have theirs, trust me.  With love and respect at our disposal, we must be quick to employ their use–for goodness’ sake.  Atheism has provided me a more robust sense of love  for others because I do not look down on anyone for being different anymore–I used to think that sexually active single people were living in sin.  I thought gays were evil and trying to ruin America.  Atheism has helped me find meaningful humanism and common sense ethics.  I hope if I help people free themselves from religion that would be their story as well…not that they turned into a vengeful prick tearing up the Twitterverse with hateful slogans and one liners.

Circular Reasoning and Tigger Too!

I have a hunch that genocide is objectively immoral.  Because God commands genocide with respects to the Perrezites and Amalekites and others in the Chronicles and Exodus etc.  I feel justified in at least questioning why a good God would command people to do something evil.  Of course, because God is not real…the question quickly boils down to “why would a poor, nomadic and bloodthirsty people group in the Middle East living over 3,000 years ago want to wipe out others?”  The answers are obvious: agricultural advantage, proximity to water, existing buildings and resources etc. 

When talking to a fundie about this, I get some fun answers to why “God” would command genocide.  . .I get the classic circular argument.  Watch how it magically does its thing.

God is good and cannot command evil.

If God commands something, it is good.  It would be wrong to disobey.

What God does is good.

So, hold up…the definition of good is that it pleases God?  Does God say something is right because it is, or because he wants it to be?  A little bit of both… That is the answer I get all the time.  God has the final say on whether something is good or bad.  If God does it, it is good.  If God wills something to happen in our lives, we should accept it.  So the real question isn’t “is it wrong to commit genocide?” but rather, “if God doesn’t command genocide…is it wrong to take initiative and do it on one’s own authority?”  That is a better question.  When we uncritically believe the God of the Bible is the only authority on good vs. evil, we have created a static and arbitrary/relativistic idea of morality…but that is what Christians accuse evolutionists of doing!  WTF? 

So why is God good?  Because he is?  Because he says so?  But to say God is good is to recognize a coherence or correlation between two ideas: God and Goodness…let’s consider an example.

Tigger is wonderful.  Why?  Well, check his lyrics!

The most wonderful thing about Tiggers is Tiggers are wonderful things!

TIGGERS=WONDERFUL THINGS

and now the syllogism

[A] GOD IS GOOD AND ONLY DOES GOOD THINGS…

[B]  GOD DID SOMETHING

[C]  THEREFORE, WHATEVER GOD DID IS GOOD…see [A] for

God is so much like Tigger!  Now I only hope God doesn’t bounce on me for pointing  it out.  More self-referencing comes when we ask how we know God is good.  Because the Bible says so.  How do we know the BIble is true?  God says so…how do we know God says the Bible is true?  He said so–in the Bible.  The most wonderful thing about God is that he is so damn wonderful, apparently!